Friday, January 28, 2011

The Natural Habitat of the $10,000.00 Bicycle. Discuss.

I was recently asked to discuss the $10,000.00 bicycle. Here are my thoughts.

There's bikes and then there are bikes... seriously, not all bikes are are made equally. Owners experience envy and upgradities after at least 3 months of purchasing a new bike this common amongst both genders throughout cycling, primarily men though.

Some bikes are used and put to work, Giant and Malvern Star are good examples of bikes that can be put to work and ridden hard for hours after hours, perhaps even years. Depends on your wife really, how long do you think you could ride her before you got bored? Yes I really did just write that and you read it. Same situation with bikes really.

The natural habitat of the $10,000.00 bicycle is a fickle one to say the least, often purchased by a middle aged man in lycra (MAMIL) in the process of a mid-life-crisis, some are found to be younger of course, for example, early-twenties-crisis, late-thirties-crisis-and-I-just-got-divorced-and-sold-my-house-crisis or the classics 40's and scientists are begining to see it in the over 50's. 

Waiting for the kids to leave home are we? Its called a boot up the arse, does it matter that they're not 18... Nooooo (Oh he knows who I'm talking about, Mr Shogun of Steel!).

The MAMIL will often purchase a $10,000.00 bicycles as it is now considered the 'new golf', however, it is agreed that cycling is much more exciting than its forefather. In the interest of healthy lives and healthy relationships, the MAMIL concedes that the beer gut ,diabetes, heart disease and liver damage must go, he turns to cycling as it is relatively easy on the knees and you just have to sit there (at the coffee shop).

Any of the MAMILS who are still married to their wives, soon discover that their wives are happy that they have found something to amuse themselves with, the constant questions about where you left your keys was getting on her nerves. Didn't you notice the amont of money being charged to Dan Murphy's each week. Even if it means that the kitchen renovations get put of again, the wife of a cyclist is happy that he is out of the house, as he has no DIY ability what-so-ever... admittedly, however far of topic this is, the consistency of the Wiggle orders is impressive.

Pictured below is the BMC-something-something, with its beautiful carbon fibre frame, perfect lines and Zipp 404's. 

As you can see, this is clearly better than the average bicycle and to prove itself so worthwhile, the MAMIL who owns the bicycle will ride no more than 1500m in the morning. Weather of course must be clear with no chance of showers, cloud cover or wind, as the bicycles must be portrayed in perfect light, to distract from the species would be unforgiving and possibly detrimental to future mating options. 

The MAMIL will then proceed to sit at the cafe with other MAMILS and their $10,000.00 bicycles and discuss the epic journey that they had. Epic generally consists of Melboure to Black Rock, which is approxiamtely 25km, each rider rides slow enough to ensure that the decals on their bicycles can be seen and as per the Euro Rules; one shall not be seen in any sort of pain.

If the MAMIL riding the $10,000.00 bicycle is a proper man, he will concede that this is a once in the life time opportunity for him to own such a lovely piece of carbon and will allow on certain occasions other bicycles to ride with him, Giants are of course the exception, along with Trek and Specialized (no particular reason, I just didn't like the decals this season).

On the other hand, the poseur on the $10,000.00 bicycles could surprise you and be a winner, he could be fast, strong and a good friend. Best not judge a bike by the carbon fibre and the decals, do, however, judge based on calves and sense of style.

Matching kit is paramount. 


  1. I had better get some BMC kit then...

  2. I love my steel, but lust after carbon!

  3. Thanks for sharing this information. I found it very informative as I have been researching a lot lately on practical matters such as you talk about..
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