Thursday, July 7, 2011

You think models have it tough... try being a recreational/knowhere near pro cyclist

When you think eating disorders, you normally think teenage girls, tweens and women who work in the fashion industry are of course prime candidates... so where do cyclists come into it? 

But anyway, we are discussing the eating disorders of the recreational cyclist who have NO chance of winning at the the Tour de France, but, he (Rob) and she (me) is like that little train saying I-think-I-can I-think-I-can... toot toot!

Your normal recreational cyclist looks a little something like this, I made the picture smaller so it would look less offensive, but anyways, staying ON TOPIC. Your recreational Tour de France winning cyclist is likely to buy a bike that is NOT UCI compliant... just as bad as doping if you as me!

Luckily the UCI has taken pity on these poor bastards and allowed them to have their sub 4kg bikes that cost approximately $20,000.00 dollars (doesn't include pedals and carbon cages) because the UCI realises that the only threat they pose to the Tour de France is weight loss by bike riding and then too much bike riding which could mean less time in front of the television.

Once the recreational cyclist has realised their 'potential' they will then look at dieting.

I was once told by an ULTRA MARATHON RUNNER the secret to loosing weight... get hungry.

That guy to your left is at the first stage of his race weight, he's obviously lost a LOT of weight since his time in Lampre and has been given a better position with Astana... keep in mind that this is NOT extreme, this is a perfectly normal reaction when you realise that you are gonna be an awesome state, race weight is key and this has got nothing to do with eating disorders at all...

Obsessions can only go so far right? Wrong, the above is nothing, the process is something like this, I'll put down the steps so you can follow them.

Step 1: Love cycling so much that it hurts
Step 2: Give up any time you have with your family and friends
Step 3: Ride 100km, 200km, 250km and realise what a HARD MAN you are
Step 4: Race D Grade
Step 5: Make B Grade and break a collar bone
Step 6: Put on weight whilst recovering
Step 7: Bitch about how fat you are via email to other supportive cycling friends
Step 8: Feel guilty about the food that your eating, you should also feel guilty about eating Tuna with Spring Water as well
Step 9: Get a coach
Step 10: Get SERIOUS
Step 11: Make a comeback into another sport that you excelled at whilst you where MUCH younger
Step 12: Get Injured
Step 13: Sook about injury
Step 14: Tell someone who cares
Step 15: Physio
Step 16: Remember to complain about exactly HOW FAT YOU ARE...

By the time that you've completed all of these steps you should have reached your ultimate weight, the skinniest you will EVER be, you where never this weight when you where a child and you will NEVER be this weight again.

Welcome to the world of competitive sooking about your weight and your optimal performance, depending on how many injuries that you get, you could be here for a long time or a short time.

Hands up if you have an eating disorder... Rob? You better be raising your hand along with the other 70% of all cyclists.

And in other more important news, I didn't spell check this, and Cav won a stage at the Tour de France!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

"I just ate all of your slice... Oh my... fantastic!" - Kase Anderson

I've been a weeeeee bit obsessed recently. Yep. Obsessed about food, not unusual for me but you thought I was gonna say cycling. 

I went through a stage where I ate a lot of cheese on toast, good cheese and good toast, amazing combination!

Anyways... Little pieces of heaven for consumption! (Squished Banana Slice)

3 large banana's
2 cups of oats
1/3 cup of vegetable oil
splash of vanilla
1 cup of dates sliced small
1/2 cup of macadamia's roughly chopped
1/2 cup of pecans roughly chopped
1 handful of dark chocolate drops or milk chocolate drops (depends how healthy you are or if your like Paul you'll just leave it out)

Turn oven on to 180 degrees. Squish the banana until its squished, potato masher is good to use, throw everything else in and then mix it all up. Put it in a slice tray, I use baking paper to stop any sticking and its easier to clean after. Cook for about 30minutes or until the oats and nuts are going nice and golden brown, remove from oven, allow to cool and cut as desired; I put it in the fridge in a sealed container.

I think this recipe will be great for the kids, its high in energy and low in sugars and stuff like that and should fill them up with a healthy snack. Also good for hungry husbands, wives, children, aunts, uncles, co-workers, cyclists, sports people etc etc etc.

And in the end you should have

Enjoy, you really will love it!!! Please DON'T ask how much of it I've eaten.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Gorgeous, Sxy Women...

Oh how it sucks to be you... 

Normally I write sexually motivated posts about women, mostly I do this because I'm the only girl and everyone else is a man, so I figure they need something to think about and I find that they respond nicely to pictures.
Anyways, racing and the boys (men) who race.

They're surprisingly hot, I remember reading somewhere and I quote, "all male cyclists look better with sunglasses on." I don't know if that's true or not, because I know a lot of beautiful/handsome/sexy men who cycle and its not just about the face, its actually about the entire... 

When I look at a male cyclist, its got nothing to do with their face, at least it doesn't to begin with, normally it follows the following... I'm using pictures to illustrate my point as usual.

I like calves, although this doesn't tell you too much about the rider, it only says they have good muscle definition or can develop muscle well. They could actually suck.

I like the look of them from behind, used to ride with this one boy purely because he had a rock hard arse... face... meh, not so good, attitude, surprisingly dull, the sex... not the way I like it.

Then I look at.. the frame people, not the girls!

If its not ascetically pleasing to me then he probably wont be either.

Then kit comes into it, does he match? Like this man? 

Feel free to stare at that picture just a little bit longer .. I'll wait.

So that's the start of the fantasy, a man with good calves, followed by a great butt, and a good bike that he matches... oh come on ladies, thats no all their is too it.

There has to be something said for experience, a bunch of E graders out on their first race are hardly sxy, some are if they're sandbagging it with their C59's and Campy wheelset, cause they where actually a pro back in the 50's and can only just now afford the bling...

There's a lot of things I'd do for a C59.. if it where pink.

Sit down and watch a race, a crit is best, you get to see them more often; race around and around the track. Watch them play out their tactics, their speed, their experienced with what they do, they know how the race will play, they know when to work and when not to. They know their bike and how to use them, they also have this arrogance about them that is terrible alluring to almost any female.

Any man can achieve the above, but it takes brilliance to actually get the arrogance right. If you want to lick it from top to bottom and stop in all the important places along the way then you should just say something.

Thanks for coming...