He was like 7 FOOT TALL... Serious!

Its amazing what you see on Beach Road, I was riding with Madgan, we'd done a massive ride allllll the way to Mordialloc and we where on our way back to Melbourne when we saw this cyclists who was 7 FOOT TALL...

Madgan and I where both massively impressed by the amazing abilitiy of the above cyclist, to begin with the kit is amazing, I'd never seen such impressive Lycra on Beach Road.

I commented to Madgan about the speed of the 7 FOOT TALL man on the massive bicyle and said, "should we chase?"

Madgan didn't reply, then I looked at the calves of the 7 FOOT TALL man.... Moo

Wrong picture...

Much better...

Anyway, due to the size of the calves we realised quickly that we actually had no hope of catching the 7 FOOT TALL Russian on the classy LOOK bicycle.

I know you want to look at that all day, a 7 FOOT TALL Russian man on a LOOK bicycles, I couldn't find a picture of the Russian on a LOOK bicycles, I hope the picture above is satisfying.

The Natural Habitat of the $10,000.00 Bicycle. Discuss.

I was recently asked to discuss the $10,000.00 bicycle. Here are my thoughts.

There's bikes and then there are bikes... seriously, not all bikes are are made equally. Owners experience envy and upgradities after at least 3 months of purchasing a new bike this common amongst both genders throughout cycling, primarily men though.

Some bikes are used and put to work, Giant and Malvern Star are good examples of bikes that can be put to work and ridden hard for hours after hours, perhaps even years. Depends on your wife really, how long do you think you could ride her before you got bored? Yes I really did just write that and you read it. Same situation with bikes really.

The natural habitat of the $10,000.00 bicycle is a fickle one to say the least, often purchased by a middle aged man in lycra (MAMIL) in the process of a mid-life-crisis, some are found to be younger of course, for example, early-twenties-crisis, late-thirties-crisis-and-I-just-got-divorced-and-sold-my-house-crisis or the classics 40's and scientists are begining to see it in the over 50's. 

Waiting for the kids to leave home are we? Its called a boot up the arse, does it matter that they're not 18... Nooooo (Oh he knows who I'm talking about, Mr Shogun of Steel!).

The MAMIL will often purchase a $10,000.00 bicycles as it is now considered the 'new golf', however, it is agreed that cycling is much more exciting than its forefather. In the interest of healthy lives and healthy relationships, the MAMIL concedes that the beer gut ,diabetes, heart disease and liver damage must go, he turns to cycling as it is relatively easy on the knees and you just have to sit there (at the coffee shop).

Any of the MAMILS who are still married to their wives, soon discover that their wives are happy that they have found something to amuse themselves with, the constant questions about where you left your keys was getting on her nerves. Didn't you notice the amont of money being charged to Dan Murphy's each week. Even if it means that the kitchen renovations get put of again, the wife of a cyclist is happy that he is out of the house, as he has no DIY ability what-so-ever... admittedly, however far of topic this is, the consistency of the Wiggle orders is impressive.

Pictured below is the BMC-something-something, with its beautiful carbon fibre frame, perfect lines and Zipp 404's. 

As you can see, this is clearly better than the average bicycle and to prove itself so worthwhile, the MAMIL who owns the bicycle will ride no more than 1500m in the morning. Weather of course must be clear with no chance of showers, cloud cover or wind, as the bicycles must be portrayed in perfect light, to distract from the species would be unforgiving and possibly detrimental to future mating options. 

The MAMIL will then proceed to sit at the cafe with other MAMILS and their $10,000.00 bicycles and discuss the epic journey that they had. Epic generally consists of Melboure to Black Rock, which is approxiamtely 25km, each rider rides slow enough to ensure that the decals on their bicycles can be seen and as per the Euro Rules; one shall not be seen in any sort of pain.


If the MAMIL riding the $10,000.00 bicycle is a proper man, he will concede that this is a once in the life time opportunity for him to own such a lovely piece of carbon and will allow on certain occasions other bicycles to ride with him, Giants are of course the exception, along with Trek and Specialized (no particular reason, I just didn't like the decals this season).


On the other hand, the poseur on the $10,000.00 bicycles could surprise you and be a winner, he could be fast, strong and a good friend. Best not judge a bike by the carbon fibre and the decals, do, however, judge based on calves and sense of style.

Matching kit is paramount. 

The Hard Men of Cycling - Cpical, Hannos, Madgan and Russell!

Playing domestique to a group of men is a little nerving, especially when you hear the words, "Your gonna make someone a really good wife one day." That hadn't been the aim...

We rode out of Bright with 6:20am group, the sun was barely up and we had taken our bikes back to the end of the peloton. Hannos was excited; his shiny red BMC-something-something gleamed in the early morning light. Picture below is of Hannos with his BMC-something-something that needed a new crankset... the night before. Who knows SRAM Red?

Fitting a SRAM Red Crankset... minor-last-minute-mechanical-detail

Cpical... I know, I know, its blurry.

Cpical, as always was calm, it was just a ride, it would be fine... pace yourself and you will be okay.

Another of my favorite sayings from Cpical, "no, it will be fine."

and

"It is okay." or "Yes, it was hard."

Magdan (below) was looking forward to the ride, sure, his daughters think he was riding in the tour down under, I don't think we'll tell them that it was with a bunch of hacks, professional hacks are even worse.

Madgan was under strict instructions, "no jokes whilst riding uphill..."

Russell (bellow) had been positive from the get-go and new the time he had to qualify in for some-really-really-long-arsed-Audax-ride-in-Pars-that-would-probably-give-you-saddle-sores thing. As we rolled out to climb Tawonga Gap there was mentions of this mystical metal called steel that almost no longer exists and is only found in places like Brunswick, Fitzroy and St Kilda... its NOT real.

I decided on the way up Tawonga Gap that my day would end at the hotel in Mt Beauty, my mind couldn't see the finish line, I couldn't imagine it and I wasn't ready to push myself through that much pain. I decided that rest was on the cards and I would also be able to organise things for dinner and not be rushed. A much nicer experience for everyone this time around.

I met Steve (below) as I was going up Tawonga Gap, I was in the big ring... um, I didn't look and I couldn't figure out why it hurt so much, my bad. Steve had started his 10th Alpine Classics that day, he's done pretty much every Audax ride you can imagine. Today wasn't going to be the 10th for him, he wasn't well so I went up with him to the top of Tawonga and suggested that he come back to Mt Beauty with me and I would make some toast and tea.

Steve... the ring in and newest member!

Meanwhile the boys (men) had probably been working their arses of up Falls Creek, their enthusiasm has been outstanding, their personalities had been eye opening and a pleasure to experience.

EVENTUALLY... okay, it wasn't that long, they all arrived back at the hotel.

Madgan's rule had been not to sit down or else he wouldn't get up again, Cpical finally found his competition (if he was in to competition.. which he isn't), in the way of Hannos and that BMC-something-something, Russell's consistency is something that I haven't been able to master yet, perhaps its my youth which holds me back?

I went about refuelling water bottles and making sure everyone was okay, Russell was first out the door knowing all well and good about the time limits that faced him and if he cooled down before the climb over Tawonga Gap he'd suffer even more up Mt Buffallo, I sent Steve off with Russell in the hopes that he would have some company going up the hill.

I was told stories about the impressive wobble in that BMC-something-something as it descended from the top of Falls Creek; only to hear later that Hannos hadn't taken his wind vest with him for the descent thinking he'd be fine. He froze most of the way down and only heated up about 5km from the bottom of Falls Creek.

I considered climbing Falls Creek once the boys left but decided that I deserved the break, I filled the bath and spent an hour looking at the mountain before enjoy an hours sleep.

Princess Missy....

Cpical updated me on their progress once they had reached Mt Buffalo, its the last climb of the day and its the hottest time of the day. I was happy to receive the text messages telling me that each of the boys had made it to the top. They had all done such a good job and it was only a matter of time before they where home.

Hannos was the first in, followed by Cpical and Madgan, and last but not least Russell... who'd stopped for coke.

Special thanks to Steve for taking the photo of all the current members who could make it, obviously you can see the core team who did the 200km. POMA is also featured in the picture, he completed the raid this time, having proven himself capable the year before.

Russell, Hannos, Cpical, Missy, POMA, and Madgan

Drinks where had, stories where told of seeing those magical steel demons, 404's battled sticks and survived, whilst the fly that followed Hannos up Mt Buffalo meet its demise as we departed from a little place called Dreamers.