Thursday, July 7, 2011

You think models have it tough... try being a recreational/knowhere near pro cyclist

When you think eating disorders, you normally think teenage girls, tweens and women who work in the fashion industry are of course prime candidates... so where do cyclists come into it? 

But anyway, we are discussing the eating disorders of the recreational cyclist who have NO chance of winning at the the Tour de France, but, he (Rob) and she (me) is like that little train saying I-think-I-can I-think-I-can... toot toot!

Your normal recreational cyclist looks a little something like this, I made the picture smaller so it would look less offensive, but anyways, staying ON TOPIC. Your recreational Tour de France winning cyclist is likely to buy a bike that is NOT UCI compliant... just as bad as doping if you as me!

Luckily the UCI has taken pity on these poor bastards and allowed them to have their sub 4kg bikes that cost approximately $20,000.00 dollars (doesn't include pedals and carbon cages) because the UCI realises that the only threat they pose to the Tour de France is weight loss by bike riding and then too much bike riding which could mean less time in front of the television.

Once the recreational cyclist has realised their 'potential' they will then look at dieting.

I was once told by an ULTRA MARATHON RUNNER the secret to loosing weight... get hungry.

That guy to your left is at the first stage of his race weight, he's obviously lost a LOT of weight since his time in Lampre and has been given a better position with Astana... keep in mind that this is NOT extreme, this is a perfectly normal reaction when you realise that you are gonna be an awesome state, race weight is key and this has got nothing to do with eating disorders at all...

Obsessions can only go so far right? Wrong, the above is nothing, the process is something like this, I'll put down the steps so you can follow them.

Step 1: Love cycling so much that it hurts
Step 2: Give up any time you have with your family and friends
Step 3: Ride 100km, 200km, 250km and realise what a HARD MAN you are
Step 4: Race D Grade
Step 5: Make B Grade and break a collar bone
Step 6: Put on weight whilst recovering
Step 7: Bitch about how fat you are via email to other supportive cycling friends
Step 8: Feel guilty about the food that your eating, you should also feel guilty about eating Tuna with Spring Water as well
Step 9: Get a coach
Step 10: Get SERIOUS
Step 11: Make a comeback into another sport that you excelled at whilst you where MUCH younger
Step 12: Get Injured
Step 13: Sook about injury
Step 14: Tell someone who cares
Step 15: Physio
Step 16: Remember to complain about exactly HOW FAT YOU ARE...

By the time that you've completed all of these steps you should have reached your ultimate weight, the skinniest you will EVER be, you where never this weight when you where a child and you will NEVER be this weight again.

Welcome to the world of competitive sooking about your weight and your optimal performance, depending on how many injuries that you get, you could be here for a long time or a short time.

Hands up if you have an eating disorder... Rob? You better be raising your hand along with the other 70% of all cyclists.

And in other more important news, I didn't spell check this, and Cav won a stage at the Tour de France!!!!!!!!!!!

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